Testing the waters.

I throw caution to the wind if it is an impulse. I am enslaved by my whims that are masters of their own will, so much that I have started thinking of an evil twin as an answer to all my inexplicable conducts. I admit I have always wanted to ride my own wave and do a bit of a jig in a crowded street with the abandon of a fakir. I resolve not to think much and drop my guards when I need to.I fight to survive the repercussions, but have I hit back with the ruthlessness that I posses in resolve?

That perhaps alters the whole essence of my being. I now test the waters before I take a dive. They say it's a realist's approach, with all due respect to the realists, I do not think I fall on their side of the line.There is another way of following the instinct and going for the nosedive. It 'is' a 'nosedive' and going by how the world should be and how the last pieces of idealism can actually put it in sync with the theories that it holds high. That is a dreamers way.

An idealist  survives all such nosedives and even if the waters are choppy , sinking should be a temporary state of reality catching up, the idealist resurfaces from troubled waters and even makes a way back to the shore.It requires a not so ideal way of testing the waters and even if they seem deviated from the ideal temperature ,take the plunge. Just as caution is no way to live, ideal or real,surrender is no way to survive. Convenience and inconvenience, they are relative to the situation per se. Sometimes drowning is more convenient than staying afloat,hence they are no perimeters of  determining the state of my existence.

 If I live on and on its impractically ideal, If I survive and live on , its induced idealism but if  I take to being real, It wont be either ,survival or living. It's a little too dead to be experienced, the state of staying still at the shore. .

I took the plunge, I was asphyxiated , Has no idealist ever heard of a revival ? It is survival with regrets drowned.I learnt after I did sink.